[0:00] And what does meth do for you now?
[0:02] >> Nothing.
[0:04] >> But you need it.
[0:05] >> It just keeps me from falling asleep so
[0:07] that I can smoke enough fentanyl.
[0:16] >> All right. Naen.
[0:18] Naen, where are you from originally?
[0:19] Where'd you grow?
[0:20] >> I'm originally from Boston,
[0:21] Massachusetts.
[0:23] >> Tell me about your family growing up.
[0:25] Um, my parents, uh, my dad was pretty
[0:28] abusive and my parents split up and, uh,
[0:31] my mom ended up kidnapping us to get us
[0:34] away from my dad and we traveled all
[0:36] across the United States very quickly.
[0:39] >> Kidnapping you? How?
[0:40] >> Um, she convinced my aunt to let her
[0:43] take us for a walk and she walked us
[0:45] down the street into a waiting car. We
[0:47] didn't even have shoes on
[0:50] and we just took off. Took off. took
[0:52] them three years to find us and um it
[0:58] was pretty pretty chaotic. You know,
[1:00] there was nine schools in one school
[1:03] year and uh from Boston to to Tacoma. Um
[1:09] we lived in Oklahoma for like two weeks,
[1:11] Sedona, Phoenix, Tucson.
[1:13] >> You told me you she dyed your hair and
[1:16] changed your name.
[1:17] >> Dyed our hair and changed our name. So,
[1:18] I was platinum blonde uh from a brunette
[1:22] and uh my last name was nothing close to
[1:26] my original and I was very confused when
[1:29] it went back. Uh I didn't understand why
[1:32] I was going back.
[1:33] >> So, she was afraid of your father.
[1:35] >> Yes, absolutely. Absolutely.
[1:38] Um he did eventually find us. Um and we
[1:41] did eventually have to move back with
[1:43] him.
[1:44] Um because our babysitter had friends
[1:47] over and locked us out of the house. We
[1:48] lived in Phoenix in the summer. Locked
[1:50] us out of the house all day. So social
[1:51] services was called and they found out
[1:54] who we were.
[1:57] So we went back to Boston.
[1:59] >> And how was life with dad?
[2:01] >> Uh very strict. Very strict. I always
[2:03] joke that I did my first bid when I was
[2:05] 12 cuz I was grounded for 6 months. And
[2:09] uh yeah, he was very overprotective,
[2:12] very strict, and all we had to do is
[2:15] work. Who do you think was more in the
[2:17] wrong, your mom or your dad?
[2:18] >> Um, you know, honestly, they probably
[2:22] both were. They I don't think either of
[2:23] them handled it right. Um, I know she
[2:26] was just trying to save us and keep us
[2:29] together. Um,
[2:32] when when he found us, we had to go back
[2:34] to him or split us up. There was three
[2:36] of us, so um, we didn't want to be she
[2:40] didn't want us to split up, so she let
[2:42] us go. She sent us back with him. But
[2:46] he's uh he's very manipulative, very
[2:50] he's just always knows just what to say
[2:52] without saying the truth. Um
[2:56] so he's managed to take my daughter as
[2:59] well, you know. So my youngest daughter
[3:03] all through lies, but he's he's a strong
[3:07] force and and it's hard to win. Now, now
[3:12] I see a lot more of what my mom went
[3:13] through.
[3:16] >> What kind of teenager were you?
[3:18] >> Oh, I was a Helian. Oh, I was terrible.
[3:20] They paddle balled me back and forth
[3:22] between Las Vegas and uh and Boston cuz
[3:26] I just kept getting in trouble, getting
[3:28] in trouble, getting in trouble.
[3:30] Uh I actually got kicked out of the
[3:32] state of Nevada for 6 months um for
[3:36] catching a seven charge home invasion at
[3:38] 14 years old. And uh they looked at my
[3:43] mom and said, "Is there anywhere else
[3:44] she can possibly go?" So they said I had
[3:47] I couldn't come back to Nevada for 6
[3:49] months. 6 months. And one day I was on a
[3:52] plane back to Las Vegas.
[3:53] >> Why do you think you were such a bad?
[3:55] >> Uh I think it was just because I was so
[3:59] controlled at a younger age that I just
[4:01] burst and just wanted to take over.
[4:04] >> Controlled by
[4:06] >> by my dad.
[4:07] >> By your dad.
[4:07] >> Mhm. I didn't see my mom for seven years
[4:09] after we moved with him.
[4:12] >> Um,
[4:14] >> and drugs came into your life when?
[4:16] >> Oh my gosh. Yes. Yes. I was 13 the first
[4:20] time I started drinking and smoking pot.
[4:22] And I was 14 the first time I tried
[4:24] crystal meth and forget about it. I was
[4:26] done. I ended up going to uh treatment
[4:30] for 9 months residential at 17 years
[4:33] old. um
[4:36] which you know I was able to finish high
[4:38] school and stuff but
[4:41] I was 81 pounds when I went there. I was
[4:43] running a muck and it was just
[4:47] I wouldn't wish grown adults to see some
[4:50] of the stuff I went through at that
[4:52] point in time.
[4:52] >> And you were living with your father?
[4:54] >> I was living in Las Vegas with my sister
[4:57] >> and then without my sister just on the
[5:00] street
[5:02] at 16. problem kid.
[5:06] >> Yep,
[5:08] definitely.
[5:09] >> But you graduated as you said.
[5:10] >> I did. I graduated on time, believe it
[5:12] or not. I dropped out my junior year and
[5:13] managed to do both years in in one year
[5:16] to graduate on time
[5:17] >> in in some kind of rehab thing.
[5:19] >> Yeah. When I was I was in Reno
[5:21] >> at a at a residential treatment center.
[5:24] >> And then after high school, you did
[5:25] what? I moved back to Boston and uh
[5:30] managed to stay sober for some time, but
[5:34] uh had got married, had some kids, and
[5:37] uh ended up revisiting
[5:41] uh my my drug days with opiates
[5:46] and uh started doing heroin when I was
[5:48] like 30.
[5:51] Um,
[5:53] and that was just if I could go back, I
[5:56] could go back.
[5:58] So, I ended up robbing a couple banks
[6:00] and losing my kids and
[6:05] doing some time in prison and
[6:08] got out and wanted to change everything.
[6:10] Moved out here in 2016.
[6:13] >> And did that change anything?
[6:14] >> It changed nothing. It changed nothing.
[6:17] Uh, I think it actually made it a little
[6:20] worse because now here I am
[6:25] 10 years later and I'm in the exact same
[6:28] place I was. We had a place uh a squat
[6:31] house for like 2 months uh before we
[6:34] were removed and I've been outside ever
[6:36] since.
[6:39] Can't seem to get housing.
[6:41] >> You're living on the street?
[6:42] >> Yes.
[6:44] >> And here on Skid Row? um between here
[6:47] and the valley and you know I have a
[6:49] couple spots that I go to but you know
[6:52] it's a lot easier to be out here
[6:55] >> because the drugs are easily available.
[6:57] >> Everything's easier.
[6:58] >> Yeah,
[6:59] >> everything's
[6:59] >> And the cops leave you alone.
[7:01] >> Pretty much. Yeah, pretty much. Because
[7:03] there's bigger fish to fry.
[7:05] >> Yeah.
[7:06] >> You know,
[7:08] >> how do you make money now?
[7:10] >> Well, I just whatever. You know, I'm I'm
[7:13] a girl, so
[7:14] >> say no more.
[7:15] >> Pretty easy.
[7:16] >> Yeah, I understand. Even if you're a
[7:18] guy, it's a way to make money.
[7:19] >> Pretty easy. It's pretty easy.
[7:20] >> You don't have to be a female.
[7:23] >> Looking back at your life, do you wish
[7:26] you had done things differently?
[7:27] >> Oh, absolutely.
[7:28] >> What would you have done differently?
[7:29] >> I would have never divorced my husband.
[7:34] He was very stable, kept me grounded.
[7:38] That That was probably the best point in
[7:39] my life.
[7:43] And the reason you went sideways was the
[7:45] drugs.
[7:46] >> Absolutely.
[7:47] >> Yeah.
[7:48] >> Absolutely.
[7:49] I was uh started out on pills for for an
[7:52] injury and uh you know the same story.
[7:57] >> It's a common story.
[7:58] >> Yep.
[8:00] >> Were your parents addicts?
[8:02] >> You know, I I feel like they probably
[8:06] were, but they
[8:09] didn't seem to have problems. you know,
[8:10] they they drank socially. My mother was
[8:13] a full-blown alcoholic. Let me change
[8:14] that. My father didn't seem to have a
[8:18] problem with it. He could take it or
[8:19] leave it. Um, but my mom died of
[8:22] cerosis. Like, she was full-blown
[8:24] alcoholic.
[8:25] >> And your siblings also have addiction
[8:27] problems or No,
[8:28] >> my oldest sister, the one that I lived
[8:30] with, did. She she was doing meth and
[8:33] smoking weed. Um when she had her child
[8:35] at 35, she gave it up and was it was
[8:39] easy for her. My other sister, not even
[8:42] a little bit.
[8:45] >> Luck of the draw,
[8:47] >> guess so. Yeah.
[8:49] Guess so.
[8:52] >> Tell me about living on the streets as a
[8:54] female. That's got to be rough
[8:57] >> it is. It can be. Uh I think that I
[9:00] don't know enough to be scared. Um,
[9:03] >> yeah. But but men love taking advantage
[9:05] of women.
[9:05] >> Oh, without a doubt. Without a doubt. It
[9:07] just goes with goes with everything
[9:09] else. It doesn't matter where you are.
[9:11] You know, you're in your job, you're at
[9:13] a restaurant, you're on the street,
[9:15] they're always going to be inappropriate
[9:17] and they're always going to try.
[9:22] But I will walk alone 3:00 in the
[9:26] morning no matter where I am and
[9:30] it's been so okay so far.
[9:32] >> So your drug now is uh fentanyl and
[9:35] meth.
[9:36] >> Fentanyl and and meth. Yep. That's the
[9:39] meth just to stay awake to do enough
[9:40] fentanyl to stay well.
[9:42] >> Right. So how in a week how often will
[9:44] you sleep?
[9:45] >> Um well I try to sleep when there's
[9:49] somebody else awake. So, I usually stay
[9:51] awake on the night shift and I'll sleep
[9:54] on the day shift maybe twice a week, but
[9:58] I sleep hard. I sleep for a whole day.
[10:02] >> It's a rough lifestyle,
[10:04] >> you know. It is pretty tiring. Pretty
[10:06] tiring.
[10:06] >> You have how many children?
[10:07] >> I have four daughters.
[10:09] >> Do you talk with them?
[10:10] >> Not at all. Not at all. Three of them
[10:12] are grown. My youngest is 14.
[10:15] >> Did you raise them at all?
[10:16] >> I did. I had them until uh for like the
[10:19] first 15 years.
[10:21] >> Um so they were teenagers when all this
[10:24] mess happened.
[10:25] >> And is mom the is it are you just the
[10:27] crazy mom that went sideways when
[10:29] >> I was the one they entrusted implicitly?
[10:31] You know, you better listen to mom cuz
[10:33] she knows what she's talking about. Like
[10:35] my girls were my world. Everything
[10:37] together, my little ducklings.
[10:39] Uh it was quite a shock for them
[10:43] and it's quite a shock for me too.
[10:46] um to know that I was that person. I
[10:48] taught Sunday school. I was a substitute
[10:50] substitute preschool teacher. Like the
[10:53] soccer mom, total opposite
[10:56] took me right back where I was.
[10:58] >> Hearing that it's like this could happen
[10:59] to anyone. It seems
[11:00] >> anyone anyone anyone
[11:07] >> when you tried meth that you tried
[11:09] first?
[11:10] >> Meth that I was addicted to as a
[11:11] teenager. Yeah. I mean, did it just hit
[11:13] you right away as soon as you tried it
[11:14] or
[11:14] >> First time.
[11:15] >> First time.
[11:16] >> First time. Couldn't get enough.
[11:19] >> Couldn't get enough. And
[11:21] >> what does meth do for you now?
[11:23] >> Nothing.
[11:24] >> But you need it.
[11:25] >> It just keeps me from falling asleep so
[11:28] that I can smoke enough fentanyl.
[11:30] >> Have you I get it. Have you tried
[11:32] getting clean?
[11:33] >> I have been wanting to and I have
[11:39] considered it. Um, I'm terrified of the
[11:44] change. I'm terrified of
[11:48] making attempts to return to my old life
[11:50] and being rejected.
[12:03] >> It's kind of just easier to just keep
[12:05] doing what I already do.
[12:06] >> Coming back into society is scarier.
[12:10] I've tried to maintain at least a clutch
[12:12] uh you know with you know some type of
[12:15] job or something you know as a personal
[12:18] assistant or whatever but they never
[12:19] last very long. It's very hard to
[12:21] conceal
[12:23] that type of uh uh addiction for very
[12:26] long.
[12:28] >> Yeah. I don't think I found any fentanyl
[12:29] addicts that are they might say they're
[12:32] functional but they're
[12:33] >> it's hard to function. You have to find
[12:35] the right balance.
[12:37] >> Yeah. you know, I I prefer to not be the
[12:39] one folded in half on the sidewalk. Um,
[12:42] so I try to maintain as best I can and
[12:46] I'm very particular about where I get
[12:48] anything that I use so that I'm certain
[12:50] that I don't have anything else in it.
[12:53] Um,
[12:56] cuz I don't I don't want to be that
[12:57] person. I'm hoping somebody will grab me
[12:59] before it gets there.
[13:00] >> What What are What are you hoping
[13:01] happens for you?
[13:03] >> I would love for all of this to be
[13:05] different. I would love for to not do
[13:07] any of it anymore.
[13:08] >> How How old are you?
[13:09] >> I'm 46.
[13:10] >> 46. Do What are you afraid of? Do Do you
[13:14] think there's a chance you're going to
[13:14] be down here the rest of your life?
[13:18] >> Depends on how long the rest of my life
[13:19] is.
[13:24] >> You've you've ODed before?
[13:26] >> I have. I have um once
[13:30] once. And uh thankfully somebody was
[13:33] with me who saw it and and was able to
[13:36] bring me back and it was not a good
[13:39] experience.
[13:41] >> What what scares you most?
[13:44] >> Not coming back.
[13:48] It's crazy how I've I've interviewed so
[13:50] many people who are doing these
[13:52] life-threatening, dangerous drugs.
[13:56] And it's almost like they're playing
[13:57] with death every day,
[14:00] but they don't stop.
[14:03] They've oded sometimes 20 times,
[14:06] and they just cannot do anything except
[14:11] keep repeating the same pattern. I'll
[14:16] tell you that sick is nothing nice.
[14:19] It's really the withdrawals that keeps
[14:20] me in.
[14:24] >> Describe what the withdrawals are like
[14:27] >> and you're praying for death.
[14:30] It's
[14:34] especially when you're in a situation
[14:36] like in jail. Uh the times I've had to
[14:40] do it, you know, they they give you
[14:41] nothing. Nothing. You just have to suck
[14:44] it up. you did this to yourself, they
[14:45] say. And uh
[14:49] I mean I've been taken to the hospital
[14:50] by jails, which is like unheard of. Um
[14:55] because of the withdrawal being so bad.
[14:59] Um, you're hot, you're cold, you're your
[15:01] skin's crawling, you know, you can't
[15:03] sleep, but you're exhausted, you can't
[15:05] eat, you're starving,
[15:08] everything hurts,
[15:11] you're irritable,
[15:13] there's just
[15:17] it's definitely misunderstood.
[15:18] >> That's why so many addicts will do
[15:20] literally literally
[15:21] >> anything
[15:22] because it is unbearable.
[15:34] Let me ask you one last question, Naen.
[15:36] What What would you say is the most
[15:37] important lesson you've learned in your
[15:39] life?
[15:46] Listen to my gut. Listen to my
[15:48] instincts. Cuz if I had, there's a lot
[15:51] of things I would have never done.
[15:56] All right, Naen, thank you so much for
[15:58] sharing your story.
[15:59] >> For sure.
[15:59] >> I wish you lots of luck.
[16:00] >> Thank you.
[16:01] >> Thank you.